Bah. I hate to say it, but this is a venting post. A necessary one whose purpose is to help me keep in the tears and avoid becoming a blubbering mess and instead, I will end up with a documentary of one of those times when things were rough and I'm sure I'll be able to smile about and look back to see how much I was able to grow. Right now, that is not my perspective.
I'm not sure if all mothers and wives feel this way, but I am learning that the hardest part of being a mother/wife is that not only do you carry your own pain, emotional and physical, but you also carry the pain of your husband and your children with you. And when you aren't carrying the pain, you are carrying the worry, which can sometimes be even worse. I am learning that this part of my role is exhausting and lately, with the events in our lives, I feel that it is sometimes too much to do on my own.
With Jon's broken ribs, I hurt because I know that he is in serious physical pain...more pain than I have ever seen him in. I hurt because I also know that he really can't stand being unable to help me with the difficult things of moving and unpacking and cleaning and caring for Addie by myself. I hurt because I know that he is in physical pain more than he will tell me because he is trying to be brave because he knows that I really can't handle much more right now. I worry because on top of the pain in his ribs and lungs, he has developed a fever and pounding headache and sore throat.
I hurt because Addie is teething and it feels eternal and I can't do much to help the three teeth that are breaking through and causing so much pain. I hurt because I hear her cry at night and I know that she is in pain. I hurt because she has had a fever on and off. I worry because she seems to never be free of diaper rashes (and I worry about what the heck keeps causing them) and I hurt because her latest rash bleeds every single time I need to change her and I hate being the cause of her pain.
My own pain and worry right now lie in the fact that there is too much to do and I am beyond tired...I am so exhausted. With the move and the days and days of cleaning and the no-end-in-sight unpacking and all the little things that seem to come with moving, I am one large ball of worry and stress and movement and exhaustion. When I close my eyes, I see the list of things that are pressing and they are oh so long. And I know that I really need to keep moving. And I am worried because on top of the ER visit and the CAT scan and the blood work and the two x-rays and the Urgent Care visit and it's additional x-ray and the bills that they will rain down upon us, I also just walked out of the car shop with a new oil change and a larger-than-we-can-afford bill for a brand new clutch and possible new transmission parts.
It just seems that when it rains, it pours. And when it pours on those we love, we mothers and wives get wet too.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Friday, May 4, 2012
Richard Simmons and My Gym Buddies Would Be Friends
I currently work out Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings at my gym. This is not unusual.
What is unusual is that I have a team of coaches...you might call them my personal trainer team.
They are a group of women, age fifty and older, who kick my butt each morning with their seriously intense 4x6 index card workouts.
I had been working out on my own, saying hi to them from afar, but a month ago, the three of them decided they could do it on their own, and they invited me along.
My personal trainer team consists of :
Lisa, who is at least a foot shorter than me; who can lift 4 times as much weight as I can on any machine (I hate following behind her on a circuit...I feel like an 8 year old).
Cathy, who has the most chipper attitude I have ever seen and often yells loudly in excitement; who smokes a cigarette the minute we get out of the gym; and who recently told me that she once attended a nudist summer camp and has since decided that nudity is the new clothing.
And Jen, who mothers everything; who leaned over to me from two treadmills away yesterday and said, "Your eye is looking a little pink. YOU HAVE PINK EYE!" as if I had just killed half the population with my infectious disease (which was, in all reality an irritated eye from a torn contact).
These women rock. I have never been so consistently sore from working out (mostly because I get lectured about trying harder and not giving up "because you're in the prime of your life and I'm old enough to be your mother and if I can do it you can do it too" if I do feel less than perky) and, thanks to their special workouts and occasional enthusiastic yells, I have also never been so conspicuous at the gym.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Episode Eight: West Point
On one of the weekends where all the rest of the BIM University guys went home, the Turner New York office invited us to their yearly party which was at a West Point football game! We were way excited! We went with one of the other BIM U girls, Nicole, (who is so awesome and who dealt with Adalyne in the back of the car for the ride there and back...THANK YOU!!)
We had an awesome tailgating party beforehand with tons of great food: hamburgers, hot dogs, grilled chicken, steak, shrimp, even oysters! It was a serious party and there was a ton of stuff to do thanks to the West Point cadets who were showing off some of the weapons and tactical equipment they use. We also got to see a traditional highlight where several West Pointers parachute down and land on the tailgating field.
A problem came up where there were more people than expected so they were short one ticket...Jon and I gave up ours since we were extra invited guests and Nicole came with us. We spent the afternoon touring West Point which was incredibly beautiful. There is so much history there and we loved reading about all the different ways West Point has been critical to our nation's development.
We began exploring the actual grounds of West Point, but you need to have a cadet be your guide and they were all at the game, so we felt very adventurous breaking the rules...until an important looking man came walking towards us and we chickened out and scrambled out as fast as we could trying to look as inconspicuous as possible with our conspicuous looking stroller.
Episode Seven: Fun in the Sun
Episode Six: Man-Made and Natural Disasters
Episode Five: Hilton Hotel Living
We had an awesome tailgating party beforehand with tons of great food: hamburgers, hot dogs, grilled chicken, steak, shrimp, even oysters! It was a serious party and there was a ton of stuff to do thanks to the West Point cadets who were showing off some of the weapons and tactical equipment they use. We also got to see a traditional highlight where several West Pointers parachute down and land on the tailgating field.
A problem came up where there were more people than expected so they were short one ticket...Jon and I gave up ours since we were extra invited guests and Nicole came with us. We spent the afternoon touring West Point which was incredibly beautiful. There is so much history there and we loved reading about all the different ways West Point has been critical to our nation's development.
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| The architecture and stone detailing were incredible! |
Episode Seven: Fun in the Sun
Episode Six: Man-Made and Natural Disasters
Episode Five: Hilton Hotel Living
Episode Seven: Fun in the Sun
We took one of our free weekends and traveled down the Jersey Shore to Point Pleasant...No, we didn't see Snooki or Ronnie or Mike, but we did enjoy a fabulous day at the beach. It was Addie's first time ever at the beach and it was so wonderful! It was sunny and warm, a little windy, but a perfect day for relaxing. Addie looked so cute in her little sunglasses and while Addie napped, we spent our afternoon playing like little kids in the sand...our sand castle totally rocked!
Unfortunately, because of Hurricane Irene, the water was closed. The hurricane waves had brought in a HUGE mound of sand over 20 ft high and the beach, instead of gently sloping to the water, met the waves with a forceful crash. They were too powerful and so no one was allowed into the water.
But it was still a beautiful day and Addie got to put her toes in the sand and into some of the little pools of water that had come over the sand bench.
The best part of the day came in the evening when we grabbed a bite to eat on the boardwalk which was awesome. It was so family friendly and everyone was out with kids and strollers just enjoying the weather. We walked around the amusement park and went to the aquarium and had a blast being out together.
Addie contributed to the day's adventures by blowing out her diaper, not once, not twice, but FOUR times. I didn't bring enough changes of clothes (seriously, who brings 4 changes of clothes) and by the end of the day that little girl was simply toting a small white diaper cover. I got a few "oh, that poor baby...what is that mother thinking!?!" kind of stares from overly concerned women up and down the Boardwalk. Oh well, at least it was warm outside!
Episode Six: Man-Made and Natural Disasters
Episode Five: Hilton Hotel Living
Unfortunately, because of Hurricane Irene, the water was closed. The hurricane waves had brought in a HUGE mound of sand over 20 ft high and the beach, instead of gently sloping to the water, met the waves with a forceful crash. They were too powerful and so no one was allowed into the water.
But it was still a beautiful day and Addie got to put her toes in the sand and into some of the little pools of water that had come over the sand bench.
Addie contributed to the day's adventures by blowing out her diaper, not once, not twice, but FOUR times. I didn't bring enough changes of clothes (seriously, who brings 4 changes of clothes) and by the end of the day that little girl was simply toting a small white diaper cover. I got a few "oh, that poor baby...what is that mother thinking!?!" kind of stares from overly concerned women up and down the Boardwalk. Oh well, at least it was warm outside!
Episode Six: Man-Made and Natural Disasters
Episode Five: Hilton Hotel Living
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Best Four Years
Today marks our fourth anniversary and I cannot believe how incredibly happy these past four years have been and it is all because of this wonderful man.
I am blessed beyond words that this kind, patient, loving man proposed to me. He has completely changed my life for the better...he has taught me so much about being a selfless, serving spouse and I feel so lucky to be pampered by his love and service every single day. Not to mention how often he makes me laugh. Our lives are goofy ones.
We spent last Saturday in the temple and as always, it is a special reminder of the covenants that we made to be together forever. Our earthly life has been full of adventures since our marriage, full of big and small decisions, and I am so glad that I got to do it all with him. I can't wait for the forever that was promised to us when we were first sealed.
You bless my life everyday. I love you more than anything.
Happy Anniversary, love!
Friday, April 20, 2012
Hot Yoga
On Monday night, I tried my first hot yoga class with some of my ward friends. As this was my first yoga class ever, I was really nervous for several reasons:
I hate working out in the heat. The room was initially set to over 104 degrees and got well over. I was most aware of this when I could no longer breathe and became dizzy any time I attempted to stand. The fogged up mirrors were also a huge clue.
I don't understand yoga pose instructions. I don't mentally comprehend movement instructions very well. I have to really think about them and even then, I still typically do them incorrectly. Yoga directions are on a whole different level. Mostly because every movement had an animal name, like dog or rabbit. But also because I couldn't see the instructor due to all the sweat running into my eyes.
I dislike sweat running into my eyes. I was forewarned of the excessive amounts of sweat, but man, I looked as if I had just stepped out of the pool. Of course, I looked more like someone who nearly drowned in the pool. At one point, as my body parts were unrealistically interwoven, the instructor suggested I watch as my sweat rolled from my elbow, down to my fingers, to drop onto the floor. Mine splashed into a puddle.
I can't move my body like gumby. Standing splits? Enough said.
Despite the aforementioned issues, I loved how I felt afterwards. I haven't been this sore in ages. And yes, I will be returning tomorrow night for a second round of torture. Go figure.
I hate working out in the heat. The room was initially set to over 104 degrees and got well over. I was most aware of this when I could no longer breathe and became dizzy any time I attempted to stand. The fogged up mirrors were also a huge clue.
I don't understand yoga pose instructions. I don't mentally comprehend movement instructions very well. I have to really think about them and even then, I still typically do them incorrectly. Yoga directions are on a whole different level. Mostly because every movement had an animal name, like dog or rabbit. But also because I couldn't see the instructor due to all the sweat running into my eyes.
I dislike sweat running into my eyes. I was forewarned of the excessive amounts of sweat, but man, I looked as if I had just stepped out of the pool. Of course, I looked more like someone who nearly drowned in the pool. At one point, as my body parts were unrealistically interwoven, the instructor suggested I watch as my sweat rolled from my elbow, down to my fingers, to drop onto the floor. Mine splashed into a puddle.
I can't move my body like gumby. Standing splits? Enough said.
Despite the aforementioned issues, I loved how I felt afterwards. I haven't been this sore in ages. And yes, I will be returning tomorrow night for a second round of torture. Go figure.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Episode Six: Man-Made and Natural Disasters
Our first few weeks in New York were very eventful.
In our first week, the fire alarm went off at 5:00 in the morning. We were exhausted and Addie was terrified...the sirens have never sounded so loud as we tried to protect Addie's 7 week-old ears. We debated whether or not to evacuate like a good citizen should, and I think that if we didn't have Adalyne, we totally would have gone back to bed. But you can't quiet that little thought that you are putting your child in danger by ignoring the warning, so we went out into the chilly night. We were out there for at least an hour and I had to nurse Addie in the company car since she had woken up and was fussing. In the end, we were told that someone had burnt toast. Wahaaat??? Oh my. Back to bed.
The next night, it happened again, only at 3 am. I could have smashed the alarm in the room I was so tired and frustrated. Addie was startled awake, AGAIN, and this time we seriously pondered staying inside, feeling that it was another false alarm. But again, with Addie, we had to go. This time it was colder and we were outside even longer only to be told that it was indeed a false alarm and that the fire crew couldn't figure out what had set it off. I spoke with other hotel guests and apparently this has happened every year about the same time when they stayed there for a conference. GREAT. They said the last time it happened three times...thankfully, it remained at two.
Within a few days, Jon was in New York City for a job site tour on the World Trade Center when an earthquake hit the Washington DC area. He felt it and thought it was a subway or something...haha. First earthquake experience, ever. Thankfully there was no damage in New York and he only felt a small movement.
Five days later we were in the middle of one of the worst hurricane storms to hit the East Coast, Hurricane Irene. Thankfully, we didn't feel a thing. In fact, we slept right through it and didn't even notice the strong winds. BUT...we awoke to no power and by the evening, we learned that due to flooding we would be without power for three days.
Our company decided to move us to another Hilton hotel nearby that did have power. While it was great we had somewhere to go, it also meant that we had to pack up and move our two months worth of stuff and I had finally gotten it all settled in so that it felt somewhat like home. And it also meant that I had just lost all of the refrigerated groceries I had bought the day before. Bummer. That night was a frustrating one, packing in the dark with a "Princess and the Frog" flashlight, carrying said luggage 1/4 mile and then hauling it down four flights of stairs (since the elevators were shut off due to power outage), shuttling Addie and the multiple loads between the two hotels, and moving into a tiny hotel room with twin beds, one piled high with our belongings, the other for Jon and I to squish together on. And then, two days later, we had to do the same trip over again and I had to pack and unpack our family's stuff for the third time in two weeks.
But we are SO grateful that we were safe and well taken care of. Our county was one of the few that was hardly hit. Just five minutes away, there was severe flooding and damage. The ward we attended in NJ was incredible...the area authorities asked the wards in the East Coast area to only hold a 30 minute Sacrament meeting early in the morning and then go help the victims. They did this for over a month every Saturday and Sunday! The Saints were amazing and the stories they brought back to Church the next week were incredible and incredibly sad.
We belong to such an amazing Church and I loved seeing the influence for good this opportunity provided.
Hopefully, we've had our share of disasters for a little while...I think the only one we're in danger of in Chandler is drought. Phew!
Episode Five: Hilton Hotel Living
In our first week, the fire alarm went off at 5:00 in the morning. We were exhausted and Addie was terrified...the sirens have never sounded so loud as we tried to protect Addie's 7 week-old ears. We debated whether or not to evacuate like a good citizen should, and I think that if we didn't have Adalyne, we totally would have gone back to bed. But you can't quiet that little thought that you are putting your child in danger by ignoring the warning, so we went out into the chilly night. We were out there for at least an hour and I had to nurse Addie in the company car since she had woken up and was fussing. In the end, we were told that someone had burnt toast. Wahaaat??? Oh my. Back to bed.
The next night, it happened again, only at 3 am. I could have smashed the alarm in the room I was so tired and frustrated. Addie was startled awake, AGAIN, and this time we seriously pondered staying inside, feeling that it was another false alarm. But again, with Addie, we had to go. This time it was colder and we were outside even longer only to be told that it was indeed a false alarm and that the fire crew couldn't figure out what had set it off. I spoke with other hotel guests and apparently this has happened every year about the same time when they stayed there for a conference. GREAT. They said the last time it happened three times...thankfully, it remained at two.
Within a few days, Jon was in New York City for a job site tour on the World Trade Center when an earthquake hit the Washington DC area. He felt it and thought it was a subway or something...haha. First earthquake experience, ever. Thankfully there was no damage in New York and he only felt a small movement.
Five days later we were in the middle of one of the worst hurricane storms to hit the East Coast, Hurricane Irene. Thankfully, we didn't feel a thing. In fact, we slept right through it and didn't even notice the strong winds. BUT...we awoke to no power and by the evening, we learned that due to flooding we would be without power for three days.
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| Flooding in Pearl River, NY near where we stayed. |
But we are SO grateful that we were safe and well taken care of. Our county was one of the few that was hardly hit. Just five minutes away, there was severe flooding and damage. The ward we attended in NJ was incredible...the area authorities asked the wards in the East Coast area to only hold a 30 minute Sacrament meeting early in the morning and then go help the victims. They did this for over a month every Saturday and Sunday! The Saints were amazing and the stories they brought back to Church the next week were incredible and incredibly sad.
We belong to such an amazing Church and I loved seeing the influence for good this opportunity provided.
Hopefully, we've had our share of disasters for a little while...I think the only one we're in danger of in Chandler is drought. Phew!
Episode Five: Hilton Hotel Living
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